Did you not hear me? Gtfo the fun is over.

Another Pity Post (TW: Pet Loss)

I'm sorry for the completely personal post, completely unrelated to LGBTQ issues. I know most of you from GT, so I wanted to update a post I made about a year ago. Some of you may recall my dog was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago. Lung cancer, which is super rare in dogs.

She was great for about a year, and really rallied after I moved to the beach. On Friday night, at about 2:00am, she got up and wouldn't lay back down. She was up in the bed (a recent development), and my partner and I tried to calm her down. She wasn't really freaking out, but her breathing was really labored, and she just wouldn't go back to sleep. I ended up sleeping at the foot of the bed, trying to comfort her. When we got up in the morning she seemed okay - not great, but okay. I tried to give her breakfast, but she just wasn't interested. Over the past couple of weeks she had been really finicky, and we were at the point of feeding her a really expensive primarily-meat-based food, which she seemed to really love. So I was surprised when she wasn't interested in it that morning. I even tried to hand-feed her. No go. I decided to go to the store and get some roasted chicken or some other kind of meat that she might be interested in. I ended up getting carnitas. She did seem interested in that, and ate a good amount. About an hour later I tried to hand-feed her a bit more, since she really hadn't eaten that much in the morning. She didn't even want the carnitas. She was very restless, and was pacing, and would stand looking in a corner, and then pace a little more, and then stare at a wall. It was heart-breaking to see. We decided to call the vet to see what our options were. I got about "Hello, I need to talk to someone about...." and couldn't continue. I just lost it. My partner, thank god, was able to talk to the vet's office without completely losing it. They wanted us to bring her in.

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We packed up, and headed out for the vet. She couldn't even make it down the half set of stairs; I had to carry her down. At this point she was kind of foaming at the mouth. Not like full-on foaming, but blowing bubbles with her spittle. She then started making the throwing up noise (you have dogs know exactly what I'm talking about), but wouldn't actually throw up. It was just a little bit of spittle that would come up. It was awful. We got her in the car, and took her to the vets.

The vet's office was amazingly sensitive. We didn't have an appointment, but they put us in a private room. I was so thankful for that. My girl wasn't doing well, and her breathing was getting really shallow. We waited for about an hour, all the while she was getting worse and worse. She didn't even recognize us, I don't think. She just seemed really confused, and wouldn't lie down at all. Finally she decided to lie down, and her breathing got even worse. The doctor finally came in and basically said "yeah, it's time. I don't even need to look at her file." I had already resigned myself to this, but my partner had not. He was completely devastated. She briefed us on the process - they would give her a first shot, which would be a sedative/tranquilizer. This would calm her, and give us about 10 minutes to sit with her and say our goodbyes. After the 1st shot, she would be given the second shot, which would terminate her life. That takes about 30 - 40 seconds. So we were counting on the 10 or so minutes to really say our goodbyes. It didn't turn out that way.

They gave her the first shot and left the room. My girl stood up, and tried to walk around, and I could tell she was pissed about the shot. The vet said it might sting a little bit, and clearly my girl didn't like it. I had to pull her over to me and hold her down - she was kind of freaked out. She struggled a little bit, and then settled down. She licked my partner on the hand, snuggled her head into my lap. She took a couple of breaths, and then just stopped. It was less than a minute. We just held her until the vet came back in. She new immediately that the second shot wasn't necessary. I really needed more time. It was so fast. I've lost my best friend. She got me through some incredibly tough times, and I don't know what I'll do without her. She was an amazing dog, and it's going to be so difficult getting over her.

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