My in laws are terrible. They are racist, sexist, and most recently homophobic.
On Christmas brother in law and sister in law decided to call me a lesbian and a few other homophobic slurs. I'm not sure why or what started it but it involved hand gestures and it was in front of my husband's cousins and my niece and nephews. At the height of it my brother in law made scissoring motions while my sister in law laughed and called me a dyke and I kind of raged out. I made a joke about him thinking that is what lesbians do in the bedroom but it was all I could manage without calling him and his wife homophobic assholes and pointing out that they were all raising a gaggle of future homophobic assholes by acting like this in front of kids. I didn't want to fall into the trap of "NO OMG I'M NOT GAY!" and I couldn't think of a way to make it stop that wouldn't escalate the situation into me pointing out they were assholes raising assholes. I didn't hear half their comments because I couldn't think of a way to ask them not to use homophobic slurs in front of my niece and nephews that wouldn't be straight out pointing out that they were terrible parents. All I could think was "Damn it I wish I had a kid right now because at least then I could tell them not to use those words in front of my kid."
Afterwards it came to me that I should have made a comment about it being cute that he is that enthralled with what I might do in the bedroom. Also looking back I could have just asked them not to use homophobic slurs in front of me because I find them offensive. I don't know why I didn't think of that then. I've told them not to use racial slurs and other homophobic slurs before.
These are the thoughts I don't have when I get too angry for logic.
I've revisited enough that I have ideas on how to handle it if it happens again but if you have any advice or direction please share. I'm not even that mad at my in laws anymore. I'm mad at myself because I didn't call them out and shut them up.
*I'm bi but closeted to everyone but the people that knew me then and my husband. Since I'm married to a man it's clearly assumed that I'm het and since I enjoy all the privilege of being het with zero of the negative of my closeted orientation I don't consider myself really bi (does that make sense even?) I briefly considered coming out in that moment to my in laws but it didn't feel right to share that with them considering I don't even like them.
Sorry if this rambles or jumps around.